Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
