I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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