Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
