hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
