Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ok first of all what the fuck
tell me about the eggs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
