Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
