No stitches, just platelets and will power
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
