I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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