Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
