Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
