I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
