community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
