My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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