Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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