I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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