She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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