dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
