You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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