I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were destined to go to rehab together
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
