his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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