It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
