Where did you get a picture of my penis
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
