i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
