your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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