I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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