I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
