Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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