just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
