When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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