3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
