I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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