I think I won the penis lottery.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
