My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
