he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
