Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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