If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
