I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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