Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
