The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
