I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
