Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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