areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When are your genitals available?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
