Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
