I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
