I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
