i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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