I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
