I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
