He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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