id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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