My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
